It must be awesome to feel great all the time
Today my coworker was watching someone on his phone. I'm not sure who the guy was, but he was waving his Bible around and proselytizing, so I'm assuming he's some sort of preacher. He was talking about anxiety, so I pricked up my ears since I know at least one person that has that issue. He began by commenting that he wasn't a neurologist or anything of that sort. What he was telling his congregation was that in the middle of anxiety was an "I". His...shall we call it a theory?.... let's use opinion...his opinion is that anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues have one root cause, pride.
So this pissed me off. First off, I'm pretty sure he used the word neurologist and that is someone who studies the actual, physical brain, not the inner workings of the mind. The term you want is psychologist. You want me to listen to you, at least spend two seconds getting your terms right. Second, if you confess that you don't know what you're talking about, you perhaps should not be talking at all. You obviously don't have a clue what these issues are all about so shut the fuck up.
Maybe I should talk about pride because some people I follow on Twitter had this debate a little while ago. Pride is not a bad thing. Like anything - money, power, chocolate cake - pride is good. After all, people talk about being proud Christians. My dictionary app defines it in two ways. One is having a feeling of satisfaction or self-respect. That's not bad at all. It also defines it as haughtiness, which is definitely on the bad side. But the definition goes on to say that you feel self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth, and maybe that's where things start getting into the gray area. Because it sounds like you are using something outside of yourself to give yourself a sense of worthiness, and that isn't so good. An idea or object is nothing in and of itself. It's the value we place on it, and the extent of that value, that turns the innocuous into the negative. Pride, money, power, chocolate cake. All innocuous in and of themselves. It's the weight we give them, the enjoying them to the detriment of all else that turns them bad. Moderation in all things is the rule of thumb.
So we first have to understand that when he speaks of pride being the root of mental illness, he's talking about overweening pride, not your run-of-the-mill "gee, my hair looks pretty nice today" kind of pride. But the problem is that people suffering from depression and anxiety feel the very antithesis of pride. That is the problem. That thing by which we measure our self-worth tells us we are worth nothing. Now you, Mr. Preacherman, are telling me that I can't even do that right?
The person I follow who I was thinking about talked about being in Catholic school and the nuns telling her that she was selfish for wanting to kill herself. I have to admit, I felt that myself. To people outside, it may seem like suicide is selfish. They tell you to think of what you will be doing to others if you go through with it. When I thought about suicide when I was in high school, that's exactly what I told myself. I didn't go through with it, maybe didn't even seriously consider it, because I didn't want my mom to have to go through that. But now I see that, honestly, that's all someone who is depressed thinks about. I think how my mom would maybe have left my dad earlier if she didn't have me. How maybe they would have stayed divorced the first time if she didn't feel like I needed him in my life. How my selfish decisions in life could have led to the difficulties we face now. How I tend to ramble on when people just want to get on with their lives if they could just get this twat to shut up for five seconds. I'm always thinking about others and how I negatively impact them. Is that pride?
I don't know the answer. I don't know how to talk to someone about their depression or their anxiety. All I know is that someone somewhere loves you. To that person you are worthy. Yes, I know that God loves me. Maybe that should be enough. But God is such an ethereal concept. Sometimes we need a physical hug, a soft kiss, a gentle caress, a whispered "I love you", something tangible, in order to ground the ethereal into reality. And doubt is ever-present. Paul talks in one of his letters about how the apostles should act in a town that refuses to hear them. He tells them to wipe the dust of the town from your sandals and keep moving. At times I wonder if that's what God has done with me. I try to remind myself that He loves THE WORLD. But sometimes I feel so separate from the world. It goes on around me, people living their lives, while I stand alone outside, watching and wishing for someone to join me.
The church needs to change the way it reacts to mental issues. The world needs to change the way it looks at mental issues. Instead of focusing on trying to guilt the depressed and anxious into not being that way, maybe we just should listen. Let people know we're there for them when they want to talk, if they ever do. That it's ok to talk about things like this, when they are ready. Because it takes a lot to be ready to talk about this. But telling me that it's my own fault that I'm like this just adds fuel to the flame, and that is something we should try to avoid at all costs. God is love, that ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Our love should be like that. And we should communicate that to people in crisis instead of criticizing them more. Trust me, no one in this world is better at criticizing a depressed/anxious person than that person themself. You will fail miserably in the attempt. But showing them love is the one area they fail at and the one where you can have the most spectacular impact.
Again, I don't know the right answer. But neither did this guy. At least I can admit it.
So this pissed me off. First off, I'm pretty sure he used the word neurologist and that is someone who studies the actual, physical brain, not the inner workings of the mind. The term you want is psychologist. You want me to listen to you, at least spend two seconds getting your terms right. Second, if you confess that you don't know what you're talking about, you perhaps should not be talking at all. You obviously don't have a clue what these issues are all about so shut the fuck up.
Maybe I should talk about pride because some people I follow on Twitter had this debate a little while ago. Pride is not a bad thing. Like anything - money, power, chocolate cake - pride is good. After all, people talk about being proud Christians. My dictionary app defines it in two ways. One is having a feeling of satisfaction or self-respect. That's not bad at all. It also defines it as haughtiness, which is definitely on the bad side. But the definition goes on to say that you feel self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth, and maybe that's where things start getting into the gray area. Because it sounds like you are using something outside of yourself to give yourself a sense of worthiness, and that isn't so good. An idea or object is nothing in and of itself. It's the value we place on it, and the extent of that value, that turns the innocuous into the negative. Pride, money, power, chocolate cake. All innocuous in and of themselves. It's the weight we give them, the enjoying them to the detriment of all else that turns them bad. Moderation in all things is the rule of thumb.
So we first have to understand that when he speaks of pride being the root of mental illness, he's talking about overweening pride, not your run-of-the-mill "gee, my hair looks pretty nice today" kind of pride. But the problem is that people suffering from depression and anxiety feel the very antithesis of pride. That is the problem. That thing by which we measure our self-worth tells us we are worth nothing. Now you, Mr. Preacherman, are telling me that I can't even do that right?
The person I follow who I was thinking about talked about being in Catholic school and the nuns telling her that she was selfish for wanting to kill herself. I have to admit, I felt that myself. To people outside, it may seem like suicide is selfish. They tell you to think of what you will be doing to others if you go through with it. When I thought about suicide when I was in high school, that's exactly what I told myself. I didn't go through with it, maybe didn't even seriously consider it, because I didn't want my mom to have to go through that. But now I see that, honestly, that's all someone who is depressed thinks about. I think how my mom would maybe have left my dad earlier if she didn't have me. How maybe they would have stayed divorced the first time if she didn't feel like I needed him in my life. How my selfish decisions in life could have led to the difficulties we face now. How I tend to ramble on when people just want to get on with their lives if they could just get this twat to shut up for five seconds. I'm always thinking about others and how I negatively impact them. Is that pride?
I don't know the answer. I don't know how to talk to someone about their depression or their anxiety. All I know is that someone somewhere loves you. To that person you are worthy. Yes, I know that God loves me. Maybe that should be enough. But God is such an ethereal concept. Sometimes we need a physical hug, a soft kiss, a gentle caress, a whispered "I love you", something tangible, in order to ground the ethereal into reality. And doubt is ever-present. Paul talks in one of his letters about how the apostles should act in a town that refuses to hear them. He tells them to wipe the dust of the town from your sandals and keep moving. At times I wonder if that's what God has done with me. I try to remind myself that He loves THE WORLD. But sometimes I feel so separate from the world. It goes on around me, people living their lives, while I stand alone outside, watching and wishing for someone to join me.
The church needs to change the way it reacts to mental issues. The world needs to change the way it looks at mental issues. Instead of focusing on trying to guilt the depressed and anxious into not being that way, maybe we just should listen. Let people know we're there for them when they want to talk, if they ever do. That it's ok to talk about things like this, when they are ready. Because it takes a lot to be ready to talk about this. But telling me that it's my own fault that I'm like this just adds fuel to the flame, and that is something we should try to avoid at all costs. God is love, that ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Our love should be like that. And we should communicate that to people in crisis instead of criticizing them more. Trust me, no one in this world is better at criticizing a depressed/anxious person than that person themself. You will fail miserably in the attempt. But showing them love is the one area they fail at and the one where you can have the most spectacular impact.
Again, I don't know the right answer. But neither did this guy. At least I can admit it.
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